Sometimes, I’m asked what it’s like to have twin toddlers. If you had been a fly on the wall of our home over the last few months, you would have heard the following…and I realize some of these are super weird. Toddlers are weird. But this explains what it’s like to live with two tiny tyrants. This also explains why my blog posts have screeched to a halt lately. Enjoy.
“Guys, don’t jump off the couch.”
“Guys, don’t jump off the recliner.”
“Guys, don’t jump off the hearth.”
“Denver, quit using the toilet brush as a hair brush.”
“Denver, quit using your toothbrush as a hair brush.”
“Denver, quit using the hair brush as a hammer.”
“Josey, don’t play in the toilet water.”
“Josey, leave your diaper on.”
“Josey, where did your diaper go?”
“Josey, why are you naked?”
“What wet thing did I just step in on the rug?”
“Josey, don’t eat the blanket.”
“Denver, don’t lick my toes.”
“Josey, stop licking your toes.”
“Guys, stop licking each other’s toes.”
“Eat your peas.”
“Eat your chicken.”
“Eat your fruit.”
“Don’t eat your brother’s peas.”
“Don’t eat your sister’s chicken.”
“Don’t eat your brother’s fruit.”
“Don’t throw your food on the floor.”
“Stop eating the food on the floor.”
“Josey, you can’t eat the trash.”
“Denver, you can’t eat the grass.”
“What have you got in your mouth?”
“What did you put in your brother’s mouth?”
“Why is it so suspiciously quiet?”
“Why are y’all so extremely loud?”
“Josey, stop licking the dishwasher.”
“Josey, stop licking the floor.”
“Josey, stop licking the drawer knob.”
“Denver, don’t rip the cover off of Goodnight Moon.”
“Denver, don’t rip the tag off of the recliner.”
“Denver, don’t rip the pages out of that magazine.”
“Denver, quit pulling out all the wipes.”
“Guys, get out of the kitchen cabinet.”
“Denver, quit poking your sister in the eye.”
“Josey, quit pushing your brother’s head into the floor.”
“No, you can’t play with your poopy diaper.”
“Josey, please don’t jump on my stomach.”
“Denver, please don’t sit on my head.”
“Guys, please don’t fight over my lap.”
“Guys, please quit eating my hair.”
“Guys, please quit trying to lick my face.”
“Who downloaded the March Madness app on the Fire Stick?”
“Which one of you downloaded the Al Jazeera app on the Fire Stick?”
“Please quit eating the Fire Stick remote.”
“What did you do to my phone?”
“Who did you text?”
“Guys, please don’t flush the toilet again.”
“Guys, don’t drink the bath water.”
“Please open your mouth so I can brush your teeth.”
“Guys, please go to sleep.”
“Night night. We love you.”
“Finally!”
10 minutes later….
“I miss them.”
Twin and Bear It 
This was the funniest thing I’ve read in years! (The poop under the fingernails at church still ranks number one). I laughed out loud as I read this. You bring the words to life! I was the silent observer who enjoyed every moment of your hectic life! ❤️
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